Friday, August 17, 2007

Seagal says FBI probe ruined career

(and I say that his being a tool ruined it.)

Sorry steven. Oops... Forgot to capitalize your name there. steven seagal. Oh, look at that, I did it again...

So that's right, stevie, you're probably right. The FBI investigation that we didn't know about stopped us from going to see your movies. There is just no second chance for people in trouble these days (Paris, Lindsay, Britney, Nichole, Robert Downey Jr., Charlie Sheen...), just no chance.

Could it have been that there was something else playing at the theaters...Gigli, maybe?

So what have you got going straight to DVD these days? I know Shakespeare doesn't play well at the theaters...maybe you should do an action movie. Call it something like "Dark Warrior", but make sure that you add a subtitle. Subtitles are cool. Like Dark Warrior - Warrior of Darkness. That would be a good movie. You could have somebody (a really bad guy with, like, a scar on his face -- or someone that smokes) hurt someone that you care about, and then you could track them down and lose to them in a fight. My bad. it's your $900 movie. You definitely get to win the fight.

Congrats on being basically the biggest (most dressed in black) crybaby of all time. Johny Cash would have worn fuschia if he would have known what you'd do to black...

Read the news article here!


3 comments:

Tracy said...

You are the most handsome blogger ever, and the wittiest man ever, and...well, you get the idea. I love you and your ideas. -Wifey

Unknown said...

I really think that "Straight to DVD" is the safest form on steven seagal "entertainment". I do think that there was a great movie by him..it was called...

Unknown said...

yeah....I had to research and that was really all I came up with. ALTHOUGH...just for old times...I will find and rent "Stealing Home" it's been a long time on that one. I remember that being a good movie.